No news is good news, right?
Just wanted to check in... I really mean it when I say that there are no word that can discribe how I am feeling right now.... By the time I have quiet in the house, I am too tired to be rationally explaining to anyone how I feel. Mostly I want to know how the world keeps revolving....when I feel stuck on empty.
I know there is hope and it will get better, but beyond pouring my heart, love and soul into my siblings, children, husband and moms, it is really too much to deal with the rest of the world, deadline, life-stuff...
Today I did something I thought i'd never have the strength to do ever again... I listent to "Butterfly Kisses" by Bob Carlise. Dad and I danced to it at my wedding. By that point he was PLASTERED... he was not a drinker ... ever... but at my wedding.. he had to to have the strength to Dance with his little girl and then watch her walk out the door.
It was TREMENDOUS.... that dance symbolized to me so much of a growth step and a and coming home all in one song. Today it felt the same.... I've always listened to it since then in terms of Mary Kate.. Knowing that she and Tim will someday (if she chooses) dance to it and that my dad would be standing off in the wings looking on as my grandfather was. ... now that thought is so different....
Also for my sister who will not get that dance.... there is no DOUBT in my mind however, that he has the same pride for her that he did for me that day... and I will do EVERYTHING in my power to make her day special is other ways. ... Just as we will for Mary Kate.
No one in the Tylka household seems to be sleeping all that well... except of course Tim.. who could sleep thru a nuclear attack. The last two nights, the girls have been up through the night, which has made getting to school fun and oh so less attractive! I really am praying that tonight they just are so tired that they sleep.
Here is the Dove Release link... Funny I've never watched the footage of my grandmopther's... just couldn't.... but this I really wanted to see. http://homepage.mac.com/rnorthcraft/iMovieTheater52.html Watch it... it is so dear.
I'll leave you with this... The verse written in the Funeral card.... it really really helped me through a tough time very early this am.
FILL NOT YOUR HEARTS WITH PAIN...
Fill not your hearts with pain, and sorrow, but remember me in every tomorrow. Remember the joy, the laughter, the smiles, I've only gone to rest a little while. Although my leaving causes pain and grief, my going has eased my hurt and given me relief. So dry your eyes and remember me, not as I am now, but as I used to be. Because, I will remember you all an dlook on with a smile. Understand, in your hearts, I've only gone to rest a little while. As long as I have the love of each of you, I can live my life in the hearts of all of you.
I know there is hope and it will get better, but beyond pouring my heart, love and soul into my siblings, children, husband and moms, it is really too much to deal with the rest of the world, deadline, life-stuff...
Today I did something I thought i'd never have the strength to do ever again... I listent to "Butterfly Kisses" by Bob Carlise. Dad and I danced to it at my wedding. By that point he was PLASTERED... he was not a drinker ... ever... but at my wedding.. he had to to have the strength to Dance with his little girl and then watch her walk out the door.
It was TREMENDOUS.... that dance symbolized to me so much of a growth step and a and coming home all in one song. Today it felt the same.... I've always listened to it since then in terms of Mary Kate.. Knowing that she and Tim will someday (if she chooses) dance to it and that my dad would be standing off in the wings looking on as my grandfather was. ... now that thought is so different....
Also for my sister who will not get that dance.... there is no DOUBT in my mind however, that he has the same pride for her that he did for me that day... and I will do EVERYTHING in my power to make her day special is other ways. ... Just as we will for Mary Kate.
No one in the Tylka household seems to be sleeping all that well... except of course Tim.. who could sleep thru a nuclear attack. The last two nights, the girls have been up through the night, which has made getting to school fun and oh so less attractive! I really am praying that tonight they just are so tired that they sleep.
Here is the Dove Release link... Funny I've never watched the footage of my grandmopther's... just couldn't.... but this I really wanted to see. http://homepage.mac.com/rnorthcraft/iMovieTheater52.html Watch it... it is so dear.
I'll leave you with this... The verse written in the Funeral card.... it really really helped me through a tough time very early this am.
FILL NOT YOUR HEARTS WITH PAIN...
Fill not your hearts with pain, and sorrow, but remember me in every tomorrow. Remember the joy, the laughter, the smiles, I've only gone to rest a little while. Although my leaving causes pain and grief, my going has eased my hurt and given me relief. So dry your eyes and remember me, not as I am now, but as I used to be. Because, I will remember you all an dlook on with a smile. Understand, in your hearts, I've only gone to rest a little while. As long as I have the love of each of you, I can live my life in the hearts of all of you.
posted by Mary Kate @ 6:43 PM
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